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40 Answers From A Particular White Person

OK, so there's this Buzzfeed article 40 Questions All White People Need To Answer. Since they explicitly say "All White People", I figured I (a white person) better answer the questions before they send the lawyers after me.

1. Why do white people call guacamole 'guac'?

I don't: I like to say full words whenever possible. I also say "bratwurst" instead of "brat".

2. why do white people like bearded men and horses so much

I have a beard, but I don't like horses. Horses seem like a rich person thing.

3. why do white people like comparing arm tans

I didn't know this was a common thing. I have witnessed it before, though: "I've been at the pool a lot recently, see my tan?" "Not me, I'm pretty pale." I think it should be obvious why this is more common behavior of light-skinned people than in those with darker complexions.

4. WHY DO WHITE PEOPLE LIKE CHEESE SO MUCH

It's yummy.

5. why do white people like to explore attics?

Is that a thing? I can't remember the last time I explored an attic, but isn't that just called "looking"?

6. Why do white people like the sand Dunes so much?

I wasn't aware of thew white-people/sand-dunes affinity. I can't say I'm particularly attracted to them.

7. Why do white people like Kiss?

I am firmly anti-Kiss.

8. why do white people like the woods so much.

Trees are pretty, but I rarely go.

9. Damn why do white people like pumpkin so much pumpkin pie pumpkin latte etc…

I dislike the pumpkin trend, but pumpkin pie is nice every once in a while.

10. Why do white people like playing in the snow. Snow is cold.

I'm pretty sure "playing in the snow" is not limited to white children. As an adult white person, I'm not particularly fond of being cold and wet.

11. Why do white people like Drake so much?

I don't.

12. why do white people like hummus so much. it's literally chick peas

?? It's yummy? "Why do white people like ribs so much? It's literally meat." I fail to see the problem.

13. Wait why do white people like shark week so much?

I don't do Shark Week.

14. Why do white people like candy corn so much. I literally see 7 people in my class eating it

Candy corn is nasty.

15. why do white people like ray ban wayfarers so much smh

Don't own a pair.

16. Why do white people like going to abandon houses or other places like have you not seen horror movies

Horror movies are fiction. But even knowing that, I honestly can't remember going to an abandoned house.

17. Why do white people like putting their bare feet on the dashboard

I don't do that, but it sounds OK.

18. Why do white people like to pick their own strawberries so much?

I've never been. Picking strawberries sounds tiring.

19. Why do white people like to cuddle so much during storms?

I didn't know that was a thing? Is that a thing?

20. Why do white people like nutella so much

Can't say I've ever eaten Nutella.

21. Why do white people like kissing dogs in the mouth? Acting like it's good luck or something

I am not a dog person. That's gross.

22. what is a "color run" and why do white people like them so much

Ya got me, it sounds kinda dumb.

23. Why do white people like to hunt ghosts?

Psst: Ghosts aren't real. Pass it on.

24. why do white people like avocados so much

Seriously? Because they are delicious, motherfucker.

25. Why do white people like Christmas music so much that shit gets annoying

I despise Christmas music.

26. Why do white people like that Thrift Shop song so much?

If by "so much" you mean "a little", then I like it "so much".

27. why do white people love hot glue

Me and hot glue have a serious relationship. Well, not really, but I do help my daughter with crafts.

28. so why do white people love full house so much idgi

Am I missing something? Is there a huge "Full House" fandom out there, still, after all these years?

29. WHY DO WHITE PEOPLE MAKE INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT FOR THEIR PETS

I do not use Instagram.

30. why do white people put their kids on leashes

I don't do that. It's demeaning.

31. why do white people love mason jars

Again: this is a thing? I use mason jars, but I can quit any time I want.

32. why do white people love the beach so much.. yall are always fucking there i dont get it

I've been to a beach 3 times in my life. I don't live near a beach, but from what I understand, people like pretty scenery, swimming, half-naked people, and sunlight. Crazy, I know.

33. Why do white people dance like this though [picture removed]

I don't dance. I never learned.

34. Why do white people say "idear" instead of idea? Where in the fuck is there an "r" in that word

I don't do that.

35. WTF is gluten exactly and why do white people hate it so much

Gluten is a protein found in wheat. I don't hate it.

36. why do white people love 'turn down for what' so much

Because the video is fucking crazy.

37. why do white people love cooking with beer so much

I like drinking beer. If cooking with beer means drinking beer while cooking, I'm your white man.

38. Why do white people always say "have a good one" have a good what?

I don't say that, but from what I understand it means "day". "Have a good day."

39. Why do white people gotta be climbing everything.

I didn't know this was a thing.

40. why do white people say "for Pete's sake"??? Who is Pete?

I say "For fuck's sake!" like a civilized person.


Hope you appreciate the time I took to answer your questions!

You're welcome.


I do have one question in return, though: "Why do people who ask questions of white people hate punctuation so much?"

2014-06-20
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