An OnlineNewspaper from
Overland Park, Kansas
The OnlineNewspaper Gazette
"The stories are real. Only the names, facts and events have been changed."
quaap.com | Main Page | World | U.S. | Local | Business | Sci-tech | Investigative | Entertainment | Lifestyles | Sports | Interviews | Editorials
Posted: Sun Oct 27 2002
Mediocre Musician Survives Multiple Drug Overdoses, Suicide Attempts

Despite a month-long heroin binge and several self-inflicted gunshot wounds, pop jock-rock musician Jon "JH" Halberstein just won't die.

Halberstein, best known for his high energy hit singles "Let's Party Hardy" and "Let's Get Real Drunk and Continue to Party Hardy", has had several not-quite-fatal episodes in the last few weeks, and good musicians everywhere have been waiting hopefully for one of them "to take".

At 11:45am Friday night, the Overland Police Department received a frantic 911 call from an anonymous caller who reported that even though Halberstein had taken large amounts of heroin, crack, speed, and paint thinner, as well as shot himself in the head multiple times, he was "still moving... and singing".

Despite the responding officers' best efforts, Halberstein somehow managed to survive his ordeal and is currently recording an album dedicated to fraternity parties.


 




The OnlineNewspaper Gazette.
All text © Copyright 2001-2004 Thamus.org, 2005 quaap.com.
This is a parody and satire site: it's fake. This site contains no real facts or information. If you think you found a fact, you are mistaken. Never believe anything you read in onlinenewspapers.
All non-public names are invented: Any resemblance to actual people may be considered "freaky", but is purely coincidental.*

If you are not at least 18, please try not to understand anything you read.

*Disclaimer © 2001-2002 Thamus.org, quaap.com.