Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
JLA Caught In Court Battle

The Justice League of America, once known as the place for evenhanded justice, recently had its reputation sullied when news got out that it had refused employment to a handicapped superhero.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Sports Star Tells Fans 'Get A Life'

At a rally yesterday held in his honor, football superstar Craig "Muff Daddy" Monterra surprised everyone present by speaking rationally and to the point. "You are all taking this much too seriously." he said as his voice echoed across the full-to-capacity stadium.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Making The Grade

I, like many people, am concerned about our education system. The way I see it, the current model is grossly unfair.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Ten Commandments "Just A Math Error", Says God

In an exclusive interview with God, our crack investigative reporters uncovered a historic anomaly yesterday. When asked how He came up the idea for the Ten Commandments, God chuckled and said: "That's a strange story. Got a minute?"

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Shoe Sues Khaki Over Ownership Of Sale

Misuse of apostrophe puts Shoe on rampage

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Scores From The Past Week

Sports scores roundup.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
New Law Creates New Agency.

The Devolution Society, currently chaired by consumer advocate Ralph Nader, has been in existence for the past 25 years with a mission to stop the continued evolution of the human species. Senate bill 1156 would make it an official government agency.

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Posted: Tue Aug 14 2001
Push Comes To SHUV

Some 60% of all new car sales last year were Sports Utility Vehicles or SUVs. The popularity seems to stem from the roominess and the feeling of power that comes from driving the bulky vehicles. But all of that seems like childs play to Ernie Heinlichter. For the past 3 years Ernie has made the 15 mile commute to and from work in his Leibherr PR721 bulldozer.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Phone Psychic Wins Lottery

After years of buying tickets, local phone psychic Rita Jones, AKA Miss Cleo #4950, won an estimated $500 on a "Lucky Scratch" ticket purchased from her local gas station. "I guessed at the numbers." .

Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Scientists Propose Non-biological Uses For Cloning.

Scientists propose non-biological uses for cloning. .

Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Local Man Sued By Napster

Local resident Jack Knapster recently tried to open a free online mp3 site, but ran into legal problems with the MP3 giant.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Chiropractor Quits, Becomes Real Doctor

James Nelson announced that he intends to leave chiropracty after 35 years.

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Posted: Fri Aug 10 2001
Man Responds To Penile Enlargement Ad

"Overall, I was happy with my male member", says Harold Speiner, 33. "I just thought it would be cool to have a few extra inches if I needed it. But this, I'm just not that sure I wanted this much."

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Posted: Fri Aug 10 2001
DJ Saves The Day

Daniel Weinerworker, who goes by the stage name "PhreakPhat25-67", was DJing at a nightclub when he apparently noticed a small fire near the club's ceiling. Thinking quickly, he announced to the crowd that the roof, the roof, the roof was on fire. .

Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Meteorologist Says Drought Results From Lack Of Rain.

There's a reason for the recent drought throughout the western US, says University of Oklahoma Meteorologist Dr. Bill Grant.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
You Claimed To Like 'Ally McBeal' Because:

you were trying to get laid. you were gay.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Cyclist Inducted Into Macho Name Hall Of Fame

On the heels of his three-in-a-row Tour de France victory, cyclist Lance Armstrong received an invitation to be entered into the Macho Name Hall of Fame.

Republican House Majority leader and current president of the Macho Names Hall of Fame, Dick Armey, announced the invitation in a 15 minute press conference on Tuesday. Also present at the conference was CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer, and Law and Order creator Dick Wolf.

The event was closed with a short memorial for ex-member Rock Hudson. .

Posted: Fri Aug 10 2001
Copperfield Plays To Packed House Of One

Magician and smarmy over-actor David Copperfield performed his amazing new "Look at Me, I Have A Mouth on my Forehead!" road show to a sell-out crowd in Hoboken New Jersey last Thursday only to find that he brought in a total of $75 in ticket proceeds.

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Posted: Fri Aug 10 2001
Man Responds To Penile Enlargement Ad

"Overall, I was happy with my male member", says Harold Speiner, 33. "I just thought it would be cool to have a few extra inches if I needed it. But this, I'm just not that sure I wanted this much."

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
'Bible Code' Makes New Predictions

Michael Drosnin, author of the book "The Bible Code", announced last week that his computer program has uncovered new predictions of things to come.

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Baby Seals Applaud Fur Ban, Clubbed

"We thought they were the band, but then they just started clubbing."

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Posted: Thu Aug 9 2001
Do You Think Online 'quick Votes' Are Useless?

Yes No Don't Know

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