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Mon Jun 24 2002

Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
Bush Fights Evil In Thighs, Buttocks


If you're not in shape, you may be supporting terrorism. That's the message of President Bush's latest addition to the Homeland Defense effort, the Fitness Brigade.

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Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
Astronauts Break 'Floating Around And Wasting A Lot Of Money' Record

Astronauts Daniel Bursch and Carl Walz have spent a US-record-breaking 194 days floating around in a metal box in orbit around the Earth. The previous metal-box-floating US record, set in 1996, was 188 days. .
 


Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
God Agrees With Everything Local Man Says

In an amazing coincidence, The Almighty God Of All Creation agrees with every opinion local mechanic John O'Reilly expresses.

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Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
Ashcroft Begins "Definitely Not Racial Profiling" Anti-terrorism Measure

After enduring criticism on the failure to predict the September 11 terrorist attacks, Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced plans to seek out criminals proactively instead of reactively.

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Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
Tiny Asteroid Appears Enormous In CNN Graphic


A June 21 CNN story broke the news of an asteroid that came within 75,000 miles of the Earth. Though the asteroid was only around 100 meters in diameter, the accompanying graphic showed an object roughly the size of the moon smashing into the Earth and obliterating much of the planet.

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Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
Your Terror Forecast



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Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002
300 Pound Man Warns Vegan Friend Of Dangers Of Meatless Diet

After learning of his friend's decision to cut out meat and dairy, local 300-pound man Rodney Mahn began warning of the terrible health risks associated with a vegan lifestyle. "A vegan diet is tremendously dangerous," explained Mahn. "Humans were meant to be meat-eaters: hunters who roam the plains of Africa eating what they kill. We're not plant eating vegetarians. It's just not healthy." .
 









 




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