The OnlineNewspaper Gazette / Sun Mar 10 2002: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Sun Mar 10 2002

Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
Ohio Legislators Consider The Teaching Of Scientific Alternatives

Two bills before the the Ohio Legislature would allow scientific alternatives to be taught in the state's public schools.

State Senator Jim Jordan is sponsoring the first bill in the hopes of "leveling the playing field" and allowing alternative scientific theories to be taught on an equal basis with more established theories.

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Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
Georgia Governor Denies Link Between Corpse Cleanup, Soylent Green Production

Georgia Governor Roy Barnes denied there is any link between the current dead body problem at the Tri-State Crematory and the state's suddenly booming Soylent Green industry. "It's simply a coincidence. We have been trying to lure more industry to the state for years," says Barnes, "The fact that we went from 0 units a month ago to 8000 a day now has nothing - nothing - to do with the crematory debacle."

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Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
Local Man's Approval Rating Drops To 58%

Local mechanic Michael Janson's approval rating dipped even lower this last week. Janson's approval rating has been falling continuously since an all time high of 95% in mid October. A spokesman for Janson said the drop is nothing to worry about, and is most likely just the result of a misunderstanding about a credit card bill between Janson and his wife, Megan. .

Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
U.S. Asks Family For Bin Laden DNA, Bin Laden

US officials have approached Osama bin Laden's family and have asked them for DNA samples to compare with remains found after a CIA attack in Afghanistan. The officials also asked if the family, by any chance, had Osama, and if so, could they turn him in please? .

Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
SUV Drives Easily Over Speed Bump, Justifying Purchase

With prices of sport utility vehicles going up, increased fuel costs, and more and more deadly traffic accidents, many critics of the SUV industry have said there is no need for any city dweller to buy a SUV. Friends and family of local SUV owner Margaret Bean said much the same thing when she purchased her $45000, 6000 lb, 12 mpg Lincoln Navigator. But over the weekend Mrs Bean's expense finally paid off. "When I saw this speed bump looming up in the distance, I just smiled," Bean said. "I knew I could climb right over it, no problem." Mrs Bean then locked in the 4 wheel drive and crossed the speed bump, two pedestrians, and a Dodge Neon. .

Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002
Dead People Don't Care They Weren't Cremated, Says Survey

A new survey conducted by AAVRP shows that dead people don't really prefer cremation over other burial methods.

Peter Wernt, the soon-to-be president of the American Association of Very Retired People, announced the results at a press conference on Thursday.

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Next Issue: Black History Month ends, nation resumes ignorance of the past Small colony of ants takes up residence in president's ear Dennis miller admits making up obscure references Man watches Vertical Limit for an hour before he realizes it's not Cliffhanger Bono on the cover of Time for some reason Segway inventor has wonderful transitions Macintosh and Linux to join forces, Lacintux to hit shelves by fall World's only all-heterosexual Broadway play to close doors after a week Man earns $73,000 at sperm bank Current: China Explodes In Nuclear Fireball, Snipers Face Uncertain Charges Not A Lot Of Eye Contact At Andes Crash Survivors Reunion Cow Shit Found To Be "100% Organic" Everybody's Just Too Sensitive Mediocre Musician Five New Religious Denominations Created No One Talking About Failed Wonder Diet Offbeat: Man Dies In Humorous, Painful Accident	Sun Mar 10 2002 Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 Ohio Legislators Consider The Teaching Of Scientific Alternatives Two bills before the the Ohio Legislature would allow scientific alternatives to be taught in the state's public schools. State Senator Jim Jordan is sponsoring the first bill in the hopes of "leveling the playing field" and allowing alternative scientific theories to be taught on an equal basis with more established theories. Full Text... Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 Georgia Governor Denies Link Between Corpse Cleanup, Soylent Green Production Georgia Governor Roy Barnes denied there is any link between the current dead body problem at the Tri-State Crematory and the state's suddenly booming Soylent Green industry. "It's simply a coincidence. We have been trying to lure more industry to the state for years," says Barnes, "The fact that we went from 0 units a month ago to 8000 a day now has nothing - nothing - to do with the crematory debacle." Full Text... Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 Local Man's Approval Rating Drops To 58% Local mechanic Michael Janson's approval rating dipped even lower this last week. Janson's approval rating has been falling continuously since an all time high of 95% in mid October. A spokesman for Janson said the drop is nothing to worry about, and is most likely just the result of a misunderstanding about a credit card bill between Janson and his wife, Megan. . Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 U.S. Asks Family For Bin Laden DNA, Bin Laden US officials have approached Osama bin Laden's family and have asked them for DNA samples to compare with remains found after a CIA attack in Afghanistan. The officials also asked if the family, by any chance, had Osama, and if so, could they turn him in please? . Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 SUV Drives Easily Over Speed Bump, Justifying Purchase With prices of sport utility vehicles going up, increased fuel costs, and more and more deadly traffic accidents, many critics of the SUV industry have said there is no need for any city dweller to buy a SUV. Friends and family of local SUV owner Margaret Bean said much the same thing when she purchased her $45000, 6000 lb, 12 mpg Lincoln Navigator. But over the weekend Mrs Bean's expense finally paid off. "When I saw this speed bump looming up in the distance, I just smiled," Bean said. "I knew I could climb right over it, no problem." Mrs Bean then locked in the 4 wheel drive and crossed the speed bump, two pedestrians, and a Dodge Neon. . Posted: Sun Mar 10 2002 Dead People Don't Care They Weren't Cremated, Says Survey A new survey conducted by AAVRP shows that dead people don't really prefer cremation over other burial methods. Peter Wernt, the soon-to-be president of the American Association of Very Retired People, announced the results at a press conference on Thursday. Full Text... Tweet	New Content Current: Oct 27 2002 Past Issues: Sep 29 2002 Sep 2 2002 Aug 11 2002 Jul 22 2002 Jun 30 2002 Jun 24 2002 May 29 2002 May 25 2002 May 19 2002 Apr 14 2002 Mar 10 2002 Feb 24 2002 Feb 10 2002 Jan 27 2002 Jan 14 2002 Dec 31 2001 Dec 2 2001 Nov 19 2001 Nov 4 2001 Oct 28 2001 Oct 13 2001 Oct 4 2001 Sep 26 2001 Sep 10 2001 Aug 23 2001 Aug 14 2001 Jul 31 2001 Jul 15 2001 June 2001 May 2001 Email this page quaap.com Privacy Contacts Schemes: Classic: B&W: Blue: DarkBlue: Red: DarkRed: Green: DarkGreen: Violet: DarkViolet:
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