Posted: Wed May 29 2002
Workers Glad Their Products Are Being Ripped Off

After last week's union meeting, workers at Interscope Records' largest compact disc production plant have agreed to sign a document proclaiming their support for bootleg CD manufacturers.

Located in rural New Jersey, the plant employs almost 50,000 people who are, according to the proclamation, "tired of Interscope's unreasonably high wages".

"This document," explained union head Charles Doty, "is our wake up call to management. For too long now our wages have exceeded the national average, and that's got to stop. This proclamation is meant to send a message to the internet community: Keep stealing our product. Keep stealing it until Interscope meets our demands by lowering our wages."

Lisa Stipon, receptionist at the plant, agrees, "As a single parent supporting three children, my earnings are way too high. If internet users can help take away some of my money, I support them 100%."

Music bootleggers and MP3 traders from around the world have agreed to help out. "At last count, I've stolen almost 500 CDs from Interscope: That's nearly one CD for every 100 workers!" said a cheerful KaZaA user. "I'm just doing my part," he added modestly.

The OnlineNewspaper Gazette attempted to reach Interscope Records by phone, but it had been disconnected.