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Sun May 19 2002

Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Bush Declares A National Day Of Psychic Reading

In an impassioned 20 minute speech at the National Cathedral in Washington D.C., President George W Bush reminded those attending of the impact mystical experiences have in the lives of Americans, and declared May 30th as a National Day of Psychic Reading.

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Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Fat Joe Channeling Notorious B.I.G.'s Appetite


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Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Bush Hopes Cloning Ban Will Prevent Future Science Fiction Movie Plots

The President has asked the Senate to forbid the cloning of human embryos either for research or reproductive purposes, saying any reason for human cloning would be unethical, and may bring about scary things he's seen in movies.

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Posted: Sun May 19 2002
"Osama Works At 7-11" Joke Still Hilarious To Local Man

After seeing an Indian man working at the checkout counter at a gas station, local resident Joe Dasanti remarked to bystanders "We found Osama! He works at 7-11!" and began laughing hysterically.



Several customers tried to explain to Dasanti "it's really not that funny" and "they aren't even from the same country" but were dismissed by Dasanti as "too politically correct".

No injuries were reported. .
 


Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Americans "Really Fucking Dumb" Says Report

Few in America understand science and the scientific method, and most Americans are willing to believe pretty much anything for no reason whatsoever, according to a new phone survey by the National Science Foundation.

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Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Jurassic Park 4 In The Works
May have something to do with dinosaurs running amok

Hollywood is buzzing about a new installment in Steven Spielberg'sJurassic Park series, Jurassic Park IV. Though the script isbeing kept under wraps, rumors about the plot keep surfacing.

"I'm betting it has something to do with dinosaurs that are keptis a supposedly escape-proof area that somehow get loose and attackpeople," say Hollywood insider Jeff Daniels, "I also think a mildmannered professor will save everybody at the end". .
 


Posted: Sun May 19 2002
Handicap Parking Spot Celebrates Ten Years Without Use


Over the weekend K-Mart employees and residents of the surrounding Shawnee Kansas neighborhood commemorated a decade of non-use of the handicap parking spot by the handicapped. .
 









 




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