Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
CNN Viewers Look Forward To Second Season Of "War On Terror"

CNN's smash hit show "War on Terror" is back for a second season, and is aimed to dominate the market.

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Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
Vin Diesel Puts Out Clouds Of Thick Black Smoke While Going Up Hills

The debate about the environmental friendliness of Actor Vin Diesel heated up again this week when witnesses saw the 35 year old actor chugging up a steep hill on his morning run.

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Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
Arkansas Governor Signs Controversial Bill

In what many in the Midwest have called "modernism gone wrong", Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee signed into law a bill which legally forces all Arkansas citizens to acknowledge the existence of the 20th century. Huckabee signed the bill after discovering that, through a series of clerical errors, the entire state of Arkansas had been accidental stuck in 1858. Another bill currently in the Arkansas Legislature would legalize the 21st century as well. Though states such as Kansas have accepted the passage of time all the way up to 1922, only Michigan, and now Arkansas, have acknowledged the 20th century in its entirety. _

Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
Man Making Way Too Many Threesome Jokes About Wife's Attractive Friend

What started out as a way to introduce a risque topic in a joking manner has turned into a continuing source of friction between Jonathon Daniels and his wife, Caroline.

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Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
Article Is Nothing But Fart Joke

Readers of The OnlineNewspaper Gazette were shocked to see a July 22nd article titled Vin Diesel Puts Out Clouds Of Thick Black Smoke While Going Up Hills. Some readers objected to this, calling it a "fart joke," while others objected to the horrible pun in the concluding sentence. Not normally known to stoop to such low brow tactics as fart jokes, the editors of The OnlineNewspaper Gazette apparently ran out of ideas and went with an easy joke based on Diesel's name.

[The editors would like to point out that we have always been willing to stoop to fart jokes and bad puns: we don't even have to "stoop" anymore.] _

Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
Apple Running Out Of Macintosh Users For "Switch" Commercials

In a surprise announcement, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said Friday that Kansas resident Carmen Inez is the only Macintosh user that hasn't starred in one of the new Mac "switch" commercials.

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Posted: Mon Jul 22 2002
7-11 Robbery Doesn't Appear To Be Related To Terrorism

U.S. officials are denying terrorism played any role in last night's robbery of an Overland Park Kansas 7-11 convenience store. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld assured the public that the robbers have no known connection to Osama bin Laden or the Al-Qaeda terrorist network, and appeared to just be greedy people. Meanwhile, Israeli Prime Minister Arial Sharon denounced the incident as an tremendous act of terrorism after learning of an Israeli citizen who was at a gas pump at the time. _