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Next Issue: Ann Landers giving advice to Satan Out of work Levy reporters flocking to Utah American Worldcup disappointment tempered by disinterest Local horse hung like a human FoxNews denies allegations of fairness, balance Editor will see Attack of the Clones when he's "damn good and ready" Scientifically illiterate man "pretty sure" evolution is wrong Current: China Explodes In Nuclear Fireball, Snipers Face Uncertain Charges Not A Lot Of Eye Contact At Andes Crash Survivors Reunion Cow Shit Found To Be "100% Organic" Everybody's Just Too Sensitive Mediocre Musician Five New Religious Denominations Created No One Talking About Failed Wonder Diet Offbeat: Man Dies In Humorous, Painful Accident |
Mon Jun 24 2002
Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 Bush Fights Evil In Thighs, Buttocks Full Text... Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 Astronauts Break 'Floating Around And Wasting A Lot Of Money' Record Astronauts Daniel Bursch and Carl Walz have spent a US-record-breaking 194 days floating around in a metal box in orbit around the Earth. The previous metal-box-floating US record, set in 1996, was 188 days. . Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 God Agrees With Everything Local Man Says In an amazing coincidence, The Almighty God Of All Creation agrees with every opinion local mechanic John O'Reilly expresses. Full Text... Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 Ashcroft Begins "Definitely Not Racial Profiling" Anti-terrorism Measure After enduring criticism on the failure to predict the September 11 terrorist attacks, Attorney General John Ashcroft has announced plans to seek out criminals proactively instead of reactively. Full Text... Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 Tiny Asteroid Appears Enormous In CNN Graphic Full Text... Posted: Mon Jun 24 2002 300 Pound Man Warns Vegan Friend Of Dangers Of Meatless Diet After learning of his friend's decision to cut out meat and dairy, local 300-pound man Rodney Mahn began warning of the terrible health risks associated with a vegan lifestyle. "A vegan diet is tremendously dangerous," explained Mahn. "Humans were meant to be meat-eaters: hunters who roam the plains of Africa eating what they kill. We're not plant eating vegetarians. It's just not healthy." . Tweet |
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