The OnlineNewspaper Gazette / Sun Aug 11 2002: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Sun Aug 11 2002

Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
US Prepares List Of "Countries We Can Beat Up"

After the warm reception given to the President's current plan of attacking Iraq, President Bush has asked the CIA to prepare a list of nations the US could conceivably win a minor conflict against.

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Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
Engineers Attempt To Create World's Ugliest SUV

Engineers working at Bell Laboratories' aesthetic research division are attempting what was once thought impossible: creating a SUV over twenty times uglier than any existing "ute".

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Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
Sharon And Arafat Find Common Ground

After decades of oppression and suicide bombings, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat have reached an historic agreement which may mean peace for the troubled region.

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Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
TheTruth.com: Tobacco Smoke Contains Terrorism

"After re-counting all 101 poisons found in tobacco smoke, we discovered one additional substance: terrorism," announced an ultra-hip 15 year old spokesman for TheTruth.com. "The tobacco companies don't want you to know this, but it's true." While it may seem strange, tobacco is only the latest product found to contain trace amounts of terrorism. The unpatriotic toxic substance has previously been found in drugs, OPEC oil, and imported cars. _

Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
Big Fat Man Sues Self For Being Such A Dumbass

A man has sued himself, claiming he became obese and suffered from other serious health problems from not being smart enough to eat anything besides fatty fast food cuisine.

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Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
God Thanked For Miracle

"Thanks for not killing those trapped miners." That was the message to God from churches around the nation on Sunday.

The miracle began when nine coal miners became trapped in a water-filled mine shaft after accidentally cutting into an existing shaft which was full of water.

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Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002
Harrison Ford's Russian Accent Still At Large

Months after filming stopped on the set of Paramount studio's submarine thriller K-19, Harrison Ford's accent is still being sought for questioning.

Police reports allege that midway through filming of K-19, Ford's Russian accent broke free, attacked three bystanders, and ran off into downtown Los Angeles. _

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Next Issue: Pope begins sainting total strangers Reporter reaches orgasm when kidnapped girl gets West Nile virus "Under God" to be replaced by "over rated" in Pledge Despite new movie, experts say crop circles are "still really fucking stupid" New Austin Powers movie has highest cliche rating yet Bush wants all family planning money to be faith-based Non-prophet organization has no idea of future Course on critical thinking taken on a whim Current: China Explodes In Nuclear Fireball, Snipers Face Uncertain Charges Not A Lot Of Eye Contact At Andes Crash Survivors Reunion Cow Shit Found To Be "100% Organic" Everybody's Just Too Sensitive Mediocre Musician Five New Religious Denominations Created No One Talking About Failed Wonder Diet Offbeat: Man Dies In Humorous, Painful Accident	Sun Aug 11 2002 Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 US Prepares List Of "Countries We Can Beat Up" After the warm reception given to the President's current plan of attacking Iraq, President Bush has asked the CIA to prepare a list of nations the US could conceivably win a minor conflict against. Full Text... Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 Engineers Attempt To Create World's Ugliest SUV Engineers working at Bell Laboratories' aesthetic research division are attempting what was once thought impossible: creating a SUV over twenty times uglier than any existing "ute". Full Text... Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 Sharon And Arafat Find Common Ground After decades of oppression and suicide bombings, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian leader Yassir Arafat have reached an historic agreement which may mean peace for the troubled region. Full Text... Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 TheTruth.com: Tobacco Smoke Contains Terrorism "After re-counting all 101 poisons found in tobacco smoke, we discovered one additional substance: terrorism," announced an ultra-hip 15 year old spokesman for TheTruth.com. "The tobacco companies don't want you to know this, but it's true." While it may seem strange, tobacco is only the latest product found to contain trace amounts of terrorism. The unpatriotic toxic substance has previously been found in drugs, OPEC oil, and imported cars. _ Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 Big Fat Man Sues Self For Being Such A Dumbass A man has sued himself, claiming he became obese and suffered from other serious health problems from not being smart enough to eat anything besides fatty fast food cuisine. Full Text... Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 God Thanked For Miracle "Thanks for not killing those trapped miners." That was the message to God from churches around the nation on Sunday. The miracle began when nine coal miners became trapped in a water-filled mine shaft after accidentally cutting into an existing shaft which was full of water. Full Text... Posted: Sun Aug 11 2002 Harrison Ford's Russian Accent Still At Large Months after filming stopped on the set of Paramount studio's submarine thriller K-19, Harrison Ford's accent is still being sought for questioning. Police reports allege that midway through filming of K-19, Ford's Russian accent broke free, attacked three bystanders, and ran off into downtown Los Angeles. _ Tweet	New Content Current: Oct 27 2002 Past Issues: Sep 29 2002 Sep 2 2002 Aug 11 2002 Jul 22 2002 Jun 30 2002 Jun 24 2002 May 29 2002 May 25 2002 May 19 2002 Apr 14 2002 Mar 10 2002 Feb 24 2002 Feb 10 2002 Jan 27 2002 Jan 14 2002 Dec 31 2001 Dec 2 2001 Nov 19 2001 Nov 4 2001 Oct 28 2001 Oct 13 2001 Oct 4 2001 Sep 26 2001 Sep 10 2001 Aug 23 2001 Aug 14 2001 Jul 31 2001 Jul 15 2001 June 2001 May 2001 Email this page quaap.com Privacy Contacts Schemes: Classic: B&W: Blue: DarkBlue: Red: DarkRed: Green: DarkGreen: Violet: DarkViolet:
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