Posted: Wed Sep 26 2001
Inter-office Memo Intercepted From Giant Software Firm

The following confidential internal memo was intercepted by an OnlineNewspaper Gazette insider.

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NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES We have discovered a number of efficiencies in our product shipment process. To correct this, we have implemented an extended series of forms, processes, procedures, and documents. While some may think more documentation and standardized procedures would run counter to our goals and actually increase efficiencies, we can assure you this is not the case. We have designed the forms and procedures to not work with our legacy software. We have also simplified the forms so that nothing of importance can be conveyed, and have added requirements for information that cannot be supplied on the forms. This is to ensure that each simplified form will require no less that four explanatory emails, three of which must involve managerial intervention. To further ensure the proper volume of inter-office emails, we have written the documentation in such a manner as to ensure that no single piece of information can ever be found twice, and we update the changes on a random basis to further this goal. Again, managerial intervention will be required to resolve discrepancies. Effective immediately, extra hoops and mazes are to be added to the hallway leading to the product shipment office. Employees will also be required to give the zip codes of the capitals of all 50 states upon arrival, as well as perform 25 one-handed pushups before receiving or conveying any information. We hope the modifications above will help remove any possibility of efficiency; however, we are looking for any possible expediencies we may have overlooked. Please report any instances of expedience immediately. Thank you for your patience.

-The OnlineNewspaper Gazette ==================================================================