Suicidal Man Disappointed By "Killer" Slipknot Album: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Posted: Sun Nov 4 2001
Suicidal Man Disappointed By "Killer" Slipknot Album

Columbia Missouri resident Phil Danforth reportedly was despondent due to the definite lack of life-taking powers possessed by the hard rock album he purchased recently.

As the clearly vexed Danforth explained to a suicide hotline worker "I've been planning to end my life ever since my wife left me a little over a month ago. I heard some kids talking about this so-called 'killer' CD. Killer my ass!! I had better luck with baby aspirin."

Other failed methods have included a hanging attempt with bungee tie-downs. After slapping his head against the ceiling for a period of five minutes, that mode was abandoned. Danforth's future plans include concentrating exhaust fumes from his prototype Ford Hybrid.

--Norma Kletoris

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