Nutcracker Banned: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Posted: Mon Dec 31 2001
Nutcracker Banned

Hope you saw the beautiful ballet The Nutcracker this Christmas season. If not, you may never get the chance. The Nutcracker has fallen victim to the Hate Crimes Commission, who recently banned all movie and show rights, effective 1/1/02. Although the ballet is relatively tame (or lame, depending on your viewpoint), the Commission felt the title could be offensive and could induce women's rights groups into hate crimes against men. The 8-member, all male commission released the following statement: �Nutcracker? That's horrible! Why give those damn crazy women any ideas?� In a related story, Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker are combining forces to keep their beloved candy recipes from falling prey to a proposal that would outlaw nut choppers.

--Suzanne Fontannadanna

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