Posted: Mon Nov 19 2001
Nation Prepares Itself For Onslaught Of New, More Powerful Christmas Movies

Just as Americans are recovering from the tragedies of September, they now face what may turn out to be the most difficult challenge yet. Attorney general John Ashcroft informed the nation of the threat of a new round of made-for-TV Christmas movies, and has raised the nation to Threat Level Grammy, meaning the possibility of touchy-feely exploitation movies is at the highest level possible.

The most dangerous of the new films is a round of Christmas movies whose plots revolve around the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, such as the upcoming ABC movies Christmas at Ground Zero and Muslim Kids Love Jesus Too, and Fox's Baby Jesus Fights Back and The Grinch Who Attacked the Pentagon.

Both Usama Bin Laden and the Taliban have denied responsibility, and have released a statement which states "Killing civilians is one thing, but this just too horrible to contemplate."

Ashcroft has stated that although foreign influence cannot be ruled out, this is most likely the result of domestic terrorists, and has asked congress for broader powers to limit American's rights to help combat this new threat.