Posted: Fri May 25 2001
Church Hit By Tornado
Local Gay Man Blamed

Just minutes before Sunday morning services were to begin, a category 3 tornado slammed into St. Jude's Church killing four and injuring dozens.

Local meteorologists had issued a warning an hour earlier when the chief meteorologist, Al, noticed a large funnel-shaped cloud on the ground heading directly towards St. Jude's Church.

"It caught us all by surprise," said St Jude's pastor, Harry Jones. "Things like this just don't happen around here very often, no more than once a year at the most." When asked why the church wasn't evacuated given the advanced warning, Rev. Jones responded "I don't trust science, or Al. Besides, I've never seen him look at a single meteor."

Al declined to comment on these allegations.

Rev Jones went on to say that the disaster was God's judgement on the town for it's gay population: "It's the homos, God hates 'em."

When asked what percentage of the town is homosexual, the Reverend said "Well, there's that guy down the street, he's never been to Sunday services."

Local Gay Man Responds

Down the street, we talked with Local Gay Man, "I'm not gay. I get that a lot, I guess it's the name, I've been thinking of getting it changed."

Local Gay Man moved into town last year from a neighboring town, "It's all people wanted to talk about there. I thought this place would be different," he stated with a frown. "I was even going to recommend that my brother, Dirty Syphilitic Man, move in with me, but not anymore."

When asked if he thought he was the cause of the tornado, Local Gay Man replied "Even if God does hate gays, I'm not gay, and it hit the church, not me. Don't you have anything better to do?" He declined further comment.