Local Woman Aroused By Mr. Goodcents Mascot: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Posted: Sat Oct 13 2001
Local Woman Aroused By Mr. Goodcents Mascot

Mr. Goodcent or Mr. Goodbar?

Local resident Lisa Mufflin shocked her prayer group Wednesday by revealing her long standing fetish with the anthropomorphic penny and restaurant chain mascot Mr. Goodcent. "She brought it up as a prayer request" Says pastor Harlan Shuck. "But not for the Lord to rid her of this strange compulsion. She wanted us to ask God to arrange a meeting." Despite attempts to persuade her of the unnatural nature of her desires Ms. Mufflin remained adamant, resulting in her expulsion from the group.

"Yes, I'm shameless" Lisa admits freely. "Being in love will do that to a woman. And frankly, it's refreshing being out of the piggy-bank, so to speak."

From Pure to Prurient

Ms. Mufflin traces her strange crush to an early facination with the wildly popular model train of yesteryear, Thomas the Tank Engine. "But that was pure", She adds quickly, "My thoughts for Tom will always be pure. I just didn't think of him in a lustful way." Then one day she saw Mr. Goodcent and everything changed. "I knew my life would never be the same." She says, gently petting a promotional flyer that bears the image of her love.

After seeing the sexy mascot for the first time Mufflin began collecting anything she could find with the hardbodied hunk on it. "I was digging through the trash to collect all of the paper cups I could find" That was when she first knew that this was nothing like her earlier fixation with Mr. Clean. "I was turned on by Mr. Clean, sure. But this is different. Am I really that weird? Doesn't every woman really want a man with Mr. Clean's body and Thomas the Tank Engine's smile?" She adds with a sigh, "That's my Mr. G."

Mr. Goodcents is a popular chain of sandwich shops focused primarily in the Kansas and Missouri area. Executives of the chain declined to comment on Ms. Mufflin's fixation with their mascott saying "You're not even a real newspaper, get out before we call the police!"

Mr. Goodcent himself was unavailable for comment and has not answered any of Mufflin's letters.

--Phillip Matanka

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