Posted: Sun Oct 28 2001
Security Increases At Public Offices

The long standing threat of mauradering bear attacks at state office buildings has finally been minimalized. Park Rangers now guard Missouri State buildings; and while figures of reported terrorist activities remain stable, incidents of swiped pic-i-nic baskets have experienced a marked decline. It should be noted that the rangers are fully authorized to remove all metalic objects from any game animals entering the building, as well as to insist politely but firmly that all air traffic avoid the upper expanses of the structures.

--Norma Kletoris