Posted: Sat Oct 13 2001
Doctors Fear New Epidemic Spreading

Marlene Hazelton, a quiet, inconspicuous housewife, is suddenly at the center of attention in the search for a cure for a bizarre new disease. Feeling well beyond her 35 years, doctors have now determined she is actually aging in dog years.

"You know you hear things like 'It's a dog-eat-dog world' and 'Life's a bitch,' but this really puts it in perspective," says an exhausted Marlene. "My husband, bastard that he is, was always angry with me when I said I was too tired for sex. He's being more sympathetic now."

Meanwhile, doctors fear that previous diagnoses for millions of individuals for illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome and arthritis have been misidentified and this dog-aging disease could be much more prevalent than anyone can imagine. Officials have yet to give a name to the disease, but some are considering marmadukitis.


--Suzanne Fontannadanna