Posted: Mon Dec 31 2001
Federal Health Officials Unveil Salad Bar Of The Future

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services today unveiled a prototype salad bar that meets all Federal guidelines for food safety. "Companies were complaining that compliance with all rules was impossible so we embarked on this 3 year project to show them that it can be done." Say Millard Mufflin, lead engineer on the project dubbed "Project: Show Them That It Can be Done".

At the unveiling of the working prototype most of those present were unimpressed. "Not only is it ridiculous to expect our customers to suit up to get a salad" Complains the manager of a local Wendy's, "but those suits are disposable and cost $500 a piece!"

"They may not want to implement it," Responds Mufflin, "But at least now they can't say it's not possible."

"I'm just abandoning the salad bar idea entirely." Says the dejected owner of a local restaurant after seeing what is required for a salad bar to truly meet federal guidelines. He complains that this is merely the last straw after an earlier fiasco in which he ended up spending $300 on a push-up bra covered with artificial lettuce and tomatoes due to a typographical error.


--Phillip Matanka