Super String Theory Just Ploy To Sell More Silly String: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Posted: Wed Sep 26 2001
Super String Theory Just Ploy To Sell More Silly String

Super String Theory, the theory saying that the universe consists of clumps of matter linked together by incredibly long and thin "strings", which themselves have immense gravitational fields, was contrived by the manufacturers of Silly String.

"We came up with this idea of Super String Theory some years ago. Silly String sales were plummeting, so we decided to go for the often overlooked drunken frat sector", says the advertising department. Since the "theory" was first proposed, sales of Silly String are up a shocking 300%.

At a recent fraternity party, close to 83% of those attending had at least one can of silly string, which was then used to endow the holder of the can with almost divine powers. "Look at me," says one drunken string shooter, "I'm Jesus fucking Christ, I'm creating the universe!"

--Chris Famunda

An OnlineNewspaper from Overland Park, Kansas "The stories are real. Only the names, facts and events have been changed." quaap.com \| Main Page \| World \| U.S. \| Local \| Business \| Sci-tech \| Investigative \| Entertainment \| Lifestyles \| Sports \| Interviews \| Editorials
Next Issue: The Meek to be cut out of Earth's will Mortician fired for thinking outside the box Man almost inspired by exercise commercial. Illustrator accidentally leaves Waldo out of drawing, Thousands of children driven insane. Vatican: "Pope is really, really old" PBS admits Antiques Roadshow really boring. Hasbro scraps plans for new "Lower GI Joe" action figure. Guy in waiting room tells life story, others entranced. Pascal's wager still unpopular in Vegas. Current: China Explodes In Nuclear Fireball, Snipers Face Uncertain Charges Not A Lot Of Eye Contact At Andes Crash Survivors Reunion Cow Shit Found To Be "100% Organic" Everybody's Just Too Sensitive Mediocre Musician Five New Religious Denominations Created No One Talking About Failed Wonder Diet Offbeat: Man Dies In Humorous, Painful Accident	Posted: Wed Sep 26 2001 Super String Theory Just Ploy To Sell More Silly String Super String Theory, the theory saying that the universe consists of clumps of matter linked together by incredibly long and thin "strings", which themselves have immense gravitational fields, was contrived by the manufacturers of Silly String. "We came up with this idea of Super String Theory some years ago. Silly String sales were plummeting, so we decided to go for the often overlooked drunken frat sector", says the advertising department. Since the "theory" was first proposed, sales of Silly String are up a shocking 300%. At a recent fraternity party, close to 83% of those attending had at least one can of silly string, which was then used to endow the holder of the can with almost divine powers. "Look at me," says one drunken string shooter, "I'm Jesus fucking Christ, I'm creating the universe!" --Chris Famunda Tweet	New Content Current: Oct 27 2002 Past Issues: Sep 29 2002 Sep 2 2002 Aug 11 2002 Jul 22 2002 Jun 30 2002 Jun 24 2002 May 29 2002 May 25 2002 May 19 2002 Apr 14 2002 Mar 10 2002 Feb 24 2002 Feb 10 2002 Jan 27 2002 Jan 14 2002 Dec 31 2001 Dec 2 2001 Nov 19 2001 Nov 4 2001 Oct 28 2001 Oct 13 2001 Oct 4 2001 Sep 26 2001 Sep 10 2001 Aug 23 2001 Aug 14 2001 Jul 31 2001 Jul 15 2001 June 2001 May 2001 Email this page quaap.com Privacy Contacts Schemes: Classic: B&W: Blue: DarkBlue: Red: DarkRed: Green: DarkGreen: Violet: DarkViolet:
	The OnlineNewspaper Gazette. All text © Copyright 2001-2004 Thamus.org, 2005 quaap.com. This is a parody and satire site: it's fake. This site contains no real facts or information. If you think you found a fact, you are mistaken. Never believe anything you read in onlinenewspapers. All non-public names are invented: Any resemblance to actual people may be considered "freaky", but is purely coincidental.* If you are not at least 18, please try not to understand anything you read. *Disclaimer © 2001-2002 Thamus.org, quaap.com.