An OnlineNewspaper from
Overland Park, Kansas
The OnlineNewspaper Gazette
"The stories are real. Only the names, facts and events have been changed."
quaap.com | Main Page | World | U.S. | Local | Business | Sci-tech | Investigative | Entertainment | Lifestyles | Sports | Interviews | Editorials
Posted: Wed Aug 22 2001
Trend Related Injuries On The Rise

Man becomes too extreme, explodes
Man becomes too extreme, explodes
Chad Tunkin, a 35 year old bank teller from Tulsa Oklahoma, recently tried to upgrade his image by becoming "more like those Mountain Dew guys."

After Doing approximately 8 liters worth of 'The Dew', he began skateboarding behind his friend's bright yellow Xterra when the overdose of caffeine caused his left kidney to seize up, causing him to topple over, break his leg, and skid off a cliff. "I can still hear the echos of his cries of 'Surge!... ouch... Surge!' as he fell," said a shuddering witness.

But Chad isn't the only victim of a popular movement, just the most recent. Doctors estimate that nearly 20% of emergency room visits are extreme related. ER nurse Janet Waters comments "I'd say we get three or four bikes-up-the-ass injuries each day, and that jumps way up when the X-Games come through town."

But trend watchers have seen all this before, and give the 'shoes untied' trend of the eighties as an example.














 




The OnlineNewspaper Gazette.
All text © Copyright 2001-2004 Thamus.org, 2005 quaap.com.
This is a parody and satire site: it's fake. This site contains no real facts or information. If you think you found a fact, you are mistaken. Never believe anything you read in onlinenewspapers.
All non-public names are invented: Any resemblance to actual people may be considered "freaky", but is purely coincidental.*

If you are not at least 18, please try not to understand anything you read.

*Disclaimer © 2001-2002 Thamus.org, quaap.com.