Posted: Mon Jan 14 2002
Lever 2000 Under Investigation

In a move that stunned the soap world, the Justice Department today announced it would begin an immediate investigation into the product Lever 2000. Investigators will be looking into allegations that there do not exist 2000 body parts. Investigators expect a quick review and a speedy resolution.

The department says there have been numerous consumer complaints regarding false advertising. In a sworn affidavit, one person told of her distress and stated that she had tried in vain to locate more than 512 body parts. Her husband claimed he assisted her and was only able to find 3 more.

Another consumer stated, "The least they could do is include a diagram. I just don't feel clean, assuming there's parts I don't know about that I possibly might not have cleaned." A lead investigator added, "I personally have watched that commercial a dozen times and I know they don't show more than 30. Granted, it's a short commercial, but just how gullible do they think the American people are?"

Investigators say the company will have it's day in court to back up their claims. But John Greisedick, company spokesman, doesn't see it that way. He stated, "This whole thing is absurd. I can easily identify 2000 body parts - just not in public. Especially in a public courtroom with all those sketch artists and no climate control. What if it's cold in there? We're being set up!" The Justice Department declined further comment, pending the court case.


--Suzanne Fontannadanna