Posted: Mon Dec 31 2001
Santa's Sleigh Shot Down By Nervous Homeland Defender

Earl Davenport, a lieutenant in the Montana's Homeland Defense chapter, has admitted responsibility for bringing down Santa and his reindeer.

At approximately 9:45 MST, a radar tracking station reported a low-flying craft headed towards downtown Shelby. Davenport jumped into a helicopter and flew out for observation, "I saw a beard and what looked like a turban," says Davenport, "and I thought 'He's gonna crash that thing into a building or something', so I just opened fire." At that point, up to eight tiny stinger missiles flew up to meet the sleigh, knocking out several reindeer and causing the craft to smash into the ground a few minutes later.

The survivors include Comet, Dancer, Prancer, and Blitzen, as well as Santa himself, but tragically, Cupid, Donner, Dasher, Vixen and Rudolf, whose nose functioned as a locator beacon, allowing the others to be found, did not.

Responding to the news, President Bush has announced plans to start a War On Shooting Down the Wrong Thing When You Think It's Something Else.