Bush Pleased With War On Terrorism. Considers Other Wars.: The OnlineNewspaper Gazette/ONG/quaap.com

Posted: Sun Oct 28 2001
Bush Pleased With War On Terrorism. Considers Other Wars.

President Bush told reporters at a news conference Tuesday that he was "very pleased and gratified" with the sweeping legislation that his War on Terrorism^TM is bringing about. "As a nation we made great headway with the War on Drugs^TM and this shows the potential of being even usefuller."

The President went on to tout the advantages of the war. "It makes it that much easier to make the world safe the less we have to worry about rights to privacy and all that." He went on to envision an ideal state where everything was illegal, giving the police full power to arrest any "bad guy" they see. "Having been raised in a good, moral, God-fearing home I know that all people are born guilty. I'm pleased to see our laws move more into line with that fundamental fact."

When asked if this sort of police state would lead to persecution of people based on their political ideas Bush responded "We won't do that. Just terrorists, subversives, drug dealers, pimps, atheists...you know, scum."

To back up his vison of the future, the president cited the example of Al Capone. "Did it really matter that he was arrested for tax evasion instead of being a mobster? I don't think so. Tomorrows terrorists may be arrested for not carrying proper ID instead of plotting to kill innocent people. Either way they are off the streets and decent God-fearing folks are left to enjoy the freedoms our father's fought and died for."

Later in the conference Bush went even further, admitting that his War on Terrorism^TM was a "great stimulus to right thinking and workable laws." In fact after the conference he admitted to a small group of reporters, that had remained in the room to take further advantage of the free cocktail weenies and little quiches, that he was considering launching more wars on other broad categories of misconduct. He is currently deciding whether it would be better to declare a "War on Murder^TM" or just shoot the moon and declare an all-out "War on Badness^TM".

--Philip Matanka

An OnlineNewspaper from Overland Park, Kansas "The stories are real. Only the names, facts and events have been changed." quaap.com \| Main Page \| World \| U.S. \| Local \| Business \| Sci-tech \| Investigative \| Entertainment \| Lifestyles \| Sports \| Interviews \| Editorials
Next Issue: Nation Goes on Double Super Secret Alert Driver Glared At 'Crocodile Hunter' killed by mild fall Fred Durst Given 'Coolest Guy in the World Award' by Mother Hotdogs Eaten With Relish George Carlin Fails to Note Irony of Title "Counter-Culture Icon" Casual Day at Nudist Colony Fails Current: China Explodes In Nuclear Fireball, Snipers Face Uncertain Charges Not A Lot Of Eye Contact At Andes Crash Survivors Reunion Cow Shit Found To Be "100% Organic" Everybody's Just Too Sensitive Mediocre Musician Five New Religious Denominations Created No One Talking About Failed Wonder Diet Offbeat: Man Dies In Humorous, Painful Accident	Posted: Sun Oct 28 2001 Bush Pleased With War On Terrorism. Considers Other Wars. President Bush told reporters at a news conference Tuesday that he was "very pleased and gratified" with the sweeping legislation that his War on Terrorism^TM is bringing about. "As a nation we made great headway with the War on Drugs^TM and this shows the potential of being even usefuller." The President went on to tout the advantages of the war. "It makes it that much easier to make the world safe the less we have to worry about rights to privacy and all that." He went on to envision an ideal state where everything was illegal, giving the police full power to arrest any "bad guy" they see. "Having been raised in a good, moral, God-fearing home I know that all people are born guilty. I'm pleased to see our laws move more into line with that fundamental fact." When asked if this sort of police state would lead to persecution of people based on their political ideas Bush responded "We won't do that. Just terrorists, subversives, drug dealers, pimps, atheists...you know, scum." To back up his vison of the future, the president cited the example of Al Capone. "Did it really matter that he was arrested for tax evasion instead of being a mobster? I don't think so. Tomorrows terrorists may be arrested for not carrying proper ID instead of plotting to kill innocent people. Either way they are off the streets and decent God-fearing folks are left to enjoy the freedoms our father's fought and died for." Later in the conference Bush went even further, admitting that his War on Terrorism^TM was a "great stimulus to right thinking and workable laws." In fact after the conference he admitted to a small group of reporters, that had remained in the room to take further advantage of the free cocktail weenies and little quiches, that he was considering launching more wars on other broad categories of misconduct. He is currently deciding whether it would be better to declare a "War on Murder^TM" or just shoot the moon and declare an all-out "War on Badness^TM". --Philip Matanka Tweet	New Content Current: Oct 27 2002 Past Issues: Sep 29 2002 Sep 2 2002 Aug 11 2002 Jul 22 2002 Jun 30 2002 Jun 24 2002 May 29 2002 May 25 2002 May 19 2002 Apr 14 2002 Mar 10 2002 Feb 24 2002 Feb 10 2002 Jan 27 2002 Jan 14 2002 Dec 31 2001 Dec 2 2001 Nov 19 2001 Nov 4 2001 Oct 28 2001 Oct 13 2001 Oct 4 2001 Sep 26 2001 Sep 10 2001 Aug 23 2001 Aug 14 2001 Jul 31 2001 Jul 15 2001 June 2001 May 2001 Email this page quaap.com Privacy Contacts Schemes: Classic: B&W: Blue: DarkBlue: Red: DarkRed: Green: DarkGreen: Violet: DarkViolet:
	The OnlineNewspaper Gazette. All text © Copyright 2001-2004 Thamus.org, 2005 quaap.com. This is a parody and satire site: it's fake. This site contains no real facts or information. If you think you found a fact, you are mistaken. Never believe anything you read in onlinenewspapers. All non-public names are invented: Any resemblance to actual people may be considered "freaky", but is purely coincidental.* If you are not at least 18, please try not to understand anything you read. *Disclaimer © 2001-2002 Thamus.org, quaap.com.