Posted: Sun Oct 28 2001
Bush Pissed

After being told by the American Red Cross that they had received a little over $580,000 from children answering his call to help the children of Afghanistan President Bush lashed out at the youth of America calling them "tight fisted brats" and "spoiled, selfish little bastards". "There was a day when I could draft the little freaks!" He is reported to have raged. "Now I have to beg for a god damned dollar and they won't give it!"

Witnesses report that Bush did calm down somewhat after he was informed that many more letters have been received that are currently being quarantined due to the threat of Anthrax. But his anger did not subside completely. "There's over 250 million of the little shits out there and we haven't even broken a million yet. I feel like tanning their stingy fucking hides!"

Aides close to the president hint that he is particularly touchy about this project because it is a proof-of-concept for a more ambitious project designed to stretch the Social Security budget. According to unnamed sources this larger plan calls for every American child, once a month, to give two


--Philip Matanka