Posted: Wed May 23 2001
Illiteracy Rate Climbs Public Officials Concerninated

Recent figures released by the Education Department show almost 50 percent of high school graduates are functionally illiterate.

Students not worried

Interviews conducted at several local highschools found most students were not worried.

Britney Davis, Freshmen at PS27, agrees, "Reading's not all that great anyway. I mean, how can you expect me to read and raise three kids and work full time at the beauty salon?"

Roy Shilder, Senior at PS121, says "What does it matter? I took basic math and shop, that's all I need."

Bradley Townsen, Senior at PS117, questioned the results: "Figgers? What figgers? Nobody tells me nothing anymore!"

Teachers find figures shocking

Education officials and teachers, however, find these figures shocking.

David Lamar, English Literature teacher at PS34, says "I find these figures shocking. I am deeply disturbed by this, and shocked."

Mary Johnson, English teacher at PS121, laments, "50 percent, wow. That's bad and stuff, I guess." She then said that, yes, she would consider herself shocked.

In an exclusive interview, Education Department Chairman Edgar Lias, demanded action, "When almost half of my students can't read, it's time to do something. It's time to raise my pay. If I have learnded anything in my four months as Chairman-thingy, it's that more moo-lah equals better teachers who learn students better." He went on to say that "I am concerninated by these figures, but I am consonant that I can do better with better ideals, and more money. What? Oh yeah, I'm shocked."