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Posted: Sun Jul 22 2001
McCain Rages Against All Things Soft

Senator John "Buick" McCain (R-Arizona) announced today that if the current "soft money" bill passes, he will expand his soft money crusade to include all things that use the adjective.

"I believe it is time for our nation to stop the corruption caused by unchecked soft contributions from corporations and special interests," says McCain. "Soft things get me hard."
"Just last week, softwater-giant Cullagan gave over 500 gallons of specially treated water to the Democratic party, and the Republicans accepted several bottles of liquid handsoap and nonabrasive tub cleaner. Bob Dole has Erectile Dysfunction for Christ's sake! The softening of Washington must end!"

Insiders expect "The softening of Washington must end" campaign to work much better than the Senator's original slogan: "Soft things get me hard."














 




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