Posted: Sat Jul 14 2001
Man-Monkey Problem In Deli

Athoot Magoot, owner and operator of the New Dheli Deli on Market street has one customer he wishes he could send away.

A 3 year old monkey named Flip has taken up residence in Athoot's armpit, making everyday chores a challenge for the 28 year old businessman. "It is very hard to make sandwiches with Flip chattering away under there" Athoot says in his sing-song Indian accent. "And worse than that, he is very fond of chips. Often he snatches the bag away as I hand it to the customer." Athoot did not add, perhaps out of embarassment, that Flip is a less-than-fastidious eater. As I interviewed Ahoot I had to try to ignore the constant stream of crumbs falling from his sleeve.

Flip is a rare subspecies of rhesus monkey found in the jungles of Burma. Rhesus Homosapiensa is the scientific name but everyone in Burma calls them Man-Monkeys because of their attraction to humans--not as sources of food but as shelter. In fact Flip is so rare that he falls under the protection of the U.S. Government as an endangered species. Which is why he has not yet been evicted.

"It is getting very out of hand", complains Athoot, "Last week I changed my brand of underarm deodorant but was not allowed until I file an environmental impact statement."

The upside is that Athoot himself has been classified as a protected wetland. "Because I shower every day.", Athoot explains.

Athoot's sense of humor has been his main support since he acquired the monkey a year ago during a visit back home. He shows me two tee-shirts he has had printed up since Flip took up residence. One tee-shirt reads "Back off Jack! I'm protected by the EPA!" and the other reads "Ask me about the monkey in my armpit.".

Such levity, however, is lost on Athoot's wife Sratina. "Why call attention to it?" she complains as she stands to the side biting on the nail of her little finger. Athoot shrugs and gives his wife of 7 years a sympathetic look.

"I am afraid it is the hardest on my sweet Sratina." Says Athoot sheepishly, "Flip is...uh...not fond of my lovely wife."

"As a Buddhist I am required to respect and love all living things," Sratina adds, "but I hate that little hairy bastard."


--Philip Matanka