Posted: Sun Dec 02 2001
Pentagon Nonplussed By Return On Leaflets

"We're not overly disappointed but we were hoping for a better return." Said Pentagon official Jake Haverson concerning the leaflets that were scattered over Afghanistan in the early days of the war. "We have not had one confirmed redemption of any of the leaflets."

The leaflets which were intended to both let the people of Afghanistan know that we were on their side and to give them incentive to defect seem to have at least failed on the second count.

So far not one leaflet has been presented to a McDonald's Restaurant by a bona-fide Afghan citizen. There have, however, been a few instances where the leaflets have been sent by Afghan's to relatives living outside the country in case they could use them.

Officials have also been less than thrilled with the airdrops of actual food items. "We greatly miscalculated how Afghan citizens would react to having their hovel caved in by a crate of Pop-Tarts." Haverson said with a shrug. "We have to adjust our thinking to a more primitive set of values."

"For the time being at least," concludes Haverson, "plans to air drop VCRs with free Blockbuster rental coupons have been put on hold."


--Phillip Matanka