A message from a homeschooling dad to homeschooling moms: I'm not trying to fuck you.

Hi there, homeschooling stay-at-home mom! How are you? That's nice, I'm good too. Yes, nice day today. It is indeed a good day to be at this park. Oh, me? I'm a homeschooling stay-at-home dad, too. Yes, that is interesting!

But wait, before we talk any more, I'd like to mention one thing: I'm not out to fuck you. Really, I mean it. I know it might be difficult to understand, but I'm talking to you to pass the time as we watch our children play together on the swings. I'm not cruising for a hook-up or other slang term.

Oh, I recognized that look on your face. The "oh no, I'm being hit on" look. (It's different that the "oh no, that guy could be a perv after my kids" look, which fades quickly when you notice I'm with my daughter. It's also different that the "oh no, this guy's weird" look, which I'm also familiar with.) But really, I'm not hitting on you.

I know, I know. You're thinking "What? I'm a woman here by myself, and this is a man here by himself, surely he's only talking to me because he's trying to fuck me!"

Well, I can assure you, that's not the case. While you are undoubtedly a prime specimen of womanhood – one who's proven herself competent in many ways, including and especially being a mother – the logistics just wouldn't work out. I'm married, you're married, and we both have children. In fact, that last one is why we're both here! Trust me: my daughter isn't some elaborate plan to hook up with you at a playground.

You may have been trained to think that men are only interested in one thing, or maybe you came to that conclusion on your own the hard way. Either way, right now, I'm mostly interested in figuring out what I'm making for dinner this evening. Do you have any thoughts on that? Perhaps creative ways to use the pound of aging ground beef in my fridge, which must somehow be converted into a meal that my wife and daughter will eat?

I understand that it is still somewhat unusual to see stay-at-home dads, but we do exist, and we (probably) do exactly the same things you do: cook, clean, care for children, do laundry, grocery shop, and worry about what's for dinner. Just like you, fairly far down that list is "strike up conversations with random women at a playground in order to fuck them". I also do not want to cause a scandal with your (apparently) suspicious husband, who undoubtedly works and talks with many women, yet somehow remains above your suspicions.

But, I'm fairly certain discussing ground beef recipes at a park will not cause a scandal. I want to talk with you because we are in a similar situation: we are stay-at-home parents who homeschool. It's the same reason you seek out other stay-at-home moms: shared problems and shared interests. And everyone else is at work. Also I'm not arrogant enough to think random women at the park are all that interested in my 40-something body and man-boobs. On the other hand, I am interested in hearing about your child(ren) and your education philosophy.

There you go, now you're talking! We're having an adult conversation! Why, in the past thirty minutes we've talked about homeschooling, parenting, recipes, our spouses, our children, and our kooky extended families. We've laughed and commiserated. We've even delved into our (lack of) religious beliefs, and our life philosophies. Real conversations with people who won't put boogers on us! Yay!

Would you look at that? Our kids are playing great! They're getting along famously! Perhaps you and your kid(s) will be at this park again sometime? … Oh, sorry, there's no reason to put on that face again. Once more: I'm not trying to fuck you. I'm asking because my daughter is an only child, and more than a bit shy. Our children seem to play well together, so I thought "Hey, maybe they could play again?" She's found some friends, and, as a bonus, our children are playing, which means we're temporarily not the focus of their attention. I'd like that to happen again.

Tuesdays, you say? Great, maybe we'll see you, our children had fun.

So, now, to some of you other homeschooling stay-at-home moms: I pinky swear, I'm not trying to fuck you, or to cause a scandal with your (apparently) highly-suspicious husbands. What I'm really trying to do figure out that dinner…