No Really: What Would Jesus Do

Back in the early 90s my dad brought home some "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do) pamphlets to put around the house. Even though I was still a Christian at the time, I thought it was a bit silly. It all seemed to be focused on things like whether someone said a swear word or showed a bra on TV, and I thought probably Jesus had better things to worry about. In the years after, I slowly lost my religion… and I still thought it was kinda silly and insincere: it seemed like Jesus and religion were only ever brought up to say sex was bad, justify hating gay people (I'm sorry, "hating the sin") or why abortion was always wrong. Not much else. So I just left it there in the past with everything else.

But events over the past few years have started me thinking: actually, what would Jesus do?

Would Jesus say gay people were sinners? And if so, what was his opinion on how to treat sinners?

Would Jesus tell refugee mothers separated from their children at a border "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime"?

Would Jesus tell a parable where the Samaritan asked the traveler if he "was here legally" before he could treat him like a neighbor?

Would Jesus look at minorities, the poor, or even petty criminals with disdain?

Would Jesus say suspected criminals "deserved" death before trial for not obeying arbitrary commands of the guards?

Would Jesus insist to the people of 30AD Israel that women have XX chromosomes and men XY?

Would Jesus be basically handing out stones and saying "Whatevs"?

Would Jesus worry about whether an elephant or a donkey was in power before deciding an action was immoral?

Would Jesus cheer on the dismissal and/or violent suppression those who claimed an ongoing injustice?

Would Jesus support a hypocrite in power who does all of these things, and whitewashes his own wickedness by spouting the trappings of religion?

I'm certainly not saying that Jesus would tell you who to vote for (he'd probably say something like "give to George Washington that which belongs to George Washington"), but as an atheist, in all sincerity, I humbly ask:

No really: What Would Jesus Do?