Participation trophies
[Scene opens: a middle-aged coach paces slowly in front of gathered children, shout-talking in General Patton style.] OK, children! Listen up! I understand that most of you are here not because you want to be, but because your parents or teachers told you you had to be. But regardless, you're here, and we are having a race: a competition. This is where 7-year-old strives against 7-year-old, and abilities are tested. This is where heroes are born.
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